Your very own damsel in distress.

Sunday, June 8, 2008 , Sunday, June 08, 2008

I spent a few hours crying my heart out. Ranting about all the unfairness in life. I felt all the emotions rush through me: rage, sorrow, regret, heartache you name it, i feel it. I never wanted this to end this way. I don't want to result to screaming my lungs out, cursing everybody and tantrums. I'm a big girl now, I'm turning 18 for heaven's sake.

But then, that's it. I'm turning 18 and I haven't done something. Something to be proud of, something to tell my future kids or grandchildren that "I did this when I was.. Blah.. Blah.." I'm not perfect. Who is? I felt that I'm going the wrong way.. which I know right from the start, the day I lost my sense of direction together with my common sense. Yet, i didn't even stop to ask for the much important directions. I keep on travelling the endless road without even bothering of the consequences that may come up. Which btw, is already here. :( Hell yeah, they are here (consequences) and I don't have the heart to face them. I felt running away, hiding or going to another country and live a farm life. Somewhere like Smallville. [ as if. i can escape! ]

School is about to start in a week, and I'm not ready. Please. postpone it. :[ I cannot face this sem yet, getting all dramatic again. I'm possibly making hasty decisions [ which there is a high percentage that I'm not going to fulfill it. ] right now but I have to: 1.) I will not anymore go home in the weekends. 2.) I really really need to study hard and set my priorities again.

Another thing is, I want to do lots and lots of things. I want to paint, sing, dance, act, travel and do things nobody else does. i want to be a superwoman and rescue the world from Global Warning. I want to bust crimes and stop the unfairness in the world. But I can't. Well, not yet. How could I do all of this things when I haven't even found myself? I've been lost for about 17years now and I still have no clue on who I really am. So if you know me? Contact me. ASAP! I really need to know. I'm not a kid who you can say, "She's so like that during gradeschool and she is still like that during college?" I AM NOT CONSTANT! See? I'm getting moodswings right now. Oh, when will I ever find myself? SOON would be just great!

What else? yeaaah, i've been neglecting dozens of people and the numbers keep on piling up. I'm sorry, I really am! *insert sincerity here* I am not myself lately, but I will be! Then, I want to thank the people that are there for me. *You know who you are. Yes YOU! silly :p* through thick and thin. a much delayed thankyou and a very tight hug! ♥

I guess I haven't said all the things I should say. Because all of this is happening to fast. The pressure is on and I'm being attacked by memory gaps again. I haven't really decided the purpose of this blog post, but heeeeey, will get to that. For now, I want all of us to be happy. Cherish the moments and the memories. Laugh harder, Live Longer and Hug tighter. Influence the people in your lives. [ in a good way, ofcourse! ] LOVE MORE! It's free, you know that. Getting all cheesy and mushy again.

My world is UPSIDE DOWN right now. Let it turn again in the right direction.Ü

Comments. words of encouragement. scolding. jokes. or anything under the sun would be very much appreciated. I LOVE YOU, LIFE! I REALLY DO!♥

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